Ah!! I'm a huge emotional ball of yuck right now. I have one month left in France. ONE MONTH! The result? A horrible division of Kendra into 2 entirely separate parts. Let me introduce them.
Kendra (pronounced ken-dra)
-So excited to go home
-Misses her family
-misses her friends
-stoked to start college
-ready to move on with her life
-done with life in France, wants to get back to normal life
Kendra (pronounced l'a-mér-i-caine)
-Dreading going home
-already misses her host family
-already SERIOUSLY misses her french friends
-wants to stay here and do Terminale with her buddies
-life in france is her normal life.
Whatttt? But Kendra, you ask, this doesn't make any sense! Most of those statements are contradictory! Seriously, I'd help you if I could, but I don't know how to even process my thoughts right now. You know what I'm doing? I'm avoiding it. I can't stop thinking about it, but I just numb myself to the thoughts because it's easier.
AHHHH! Why are France and San Francisco and Hampshire all so far away from each other? Why do I have such a hard time ending things?
A week ago I was SO ready to go home.
Now, this is the happiest I've been here, and it's ending.
But I still want to go home.
I just want to come back after I'm done being at home.
And then go back home when I'm tired of being here.
I guess the thing is, I keep thinking about if I were really French or if I were to live next year here in France, there would be so many things I could do because a) I speak the language now, and b) I have real friends now.
I feel so emo writing all of this. Don't take the pseudo cry fest all that seriously, I'll be fine. Sometimes I just need to write it down in English.
love kendra
1 comment:
You poor thing. Just remember, your puppies miss you too!!! I'm not trying to make it worse, really.
MOM
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